


For Your Life

by Lintilla



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Dark, Episode: s01e06 Countrycide, Hurt: Ianto Jones, M/M, Non Consensual, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lintilla/pseuds/Lintilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto sacrifices himself to the cannibals to save the others but who will save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a countrycide story. Takes place immediately after Ianto head butts the cannibal to allow Tosh to run. Warning: Contains non-con

_In the pits you go no lower, the next stop's underground_

 _  
_

"Leave him alone!" Ianto screamed at the large man approaching the bound teen. For his outburst, Ianto received a vicious kick to the stomach making him curl in on himself on the floor. It was just his luck that he was actually still conscious. That shotgun butt to the skull should have knocked him out, but he just didn't go down that easy. His mam always told him he had a hard head, but now he was wishing he didn't.  _At least Toshiko is on the run_ , Ianto thought.

The dingy cannibal approached Ianto and in a condescending tone inquired, "Why should I? He's young and sweet. Just how I like 'um."

Ianto cringed at the stench of the man which was somehow overpowering the slaughterhouse. His eyes darted momentarily to the shaken young man who met his gaze and shook his head telling Ianto to stop. However, Ianto steeled himself and continued, "Take me instead."

The burly man grabbed Ianto's hair and raised his head from the ground, "You'll go without a fight? That head butt earlier hurt."

Ianto stared fixedly, "Yes, I'll do what you want."

The man's eyes turned lecherous as he grabbed Ianto and slammed him face first up against the table. Ianto shook violently when the cannibal leaned in and licked his ear whispering, "You  _are_  sweet."

The bindings on Ianto's wrists tore into his skin as he unconsciously jerked at the feel of the man. He was rewarded for his struggle with a punch to his right kidney. The cold night air hit Ianto hard when the man ripped down Ianto's jeans and roughly grabbed his exposed arse. His nails dug into Ianto's tender skin as he harshly kicked apart his legs. Without any preparation the man plunged hard into Ianto causing the young man to scream in agony.

"Boy, you are tight," his captor laughed loudly. "I would've thought a pretty thing like you would be used to this."

Ianto squirmed his body desperately trying to pull away but he had nowhere to go. As the bastard thrusted into him ruthlessly, Ianto could hear laughter and cheering around him. He realized that they had company. More cannibals had crowded into the room to watch Ianto's humiliation. To his horror, the man started pounding him faster and was gripping his arse on either side. One of the spectators called out, "Hey mate, hurry up so we can have a go!"

That caused another round of laughter as the man inside him pulled Ianto close and released violently. Ianto's mind was racing with the realization of what had just happened. He shuddered feeling the hot semen trickling down his leg as his captor pulled out and stepped away. However, he was quickly replaced by another foul smelling cannibal.

* * *

After what seemed like hours, there was shouting and most of the men fled the room. The man inside Ianto swore loudly and pushed him down to the ground than ran out. Since no one was paying attention to them, Kieran crawled over to Ianto nudging him with his knee, "Hey, are you awake?"

Ianto groaned in pain and turned over. Kieran could see tear stains streaking down his dirt and blood encrusted face. An intense wave of guilt swept over him as he realized he could do nothing to help the man that sacrificed himself for him. Having some basic knowledge of concussions, Kieran knew he needed to keep the young man conscious, "Talk to me: what's your name?"

When he didn't receive an answer, he repeated, "Hey there! Tell me your name."

"Jones, Ianto Jones." The bruised man croaked out.

"Ianto, stay with me. I think something's happening. Your people might be coming." Kieran tried to reassure him.

Ianto deliriously answered, "My people . . . no people . . . alone."

Kieran started to panic but pressed on talking, "Tell me about Torchwood. Your leader mentioned it. What's Torchwood?"

Ianto shook his head, "Torchwood is . . . hell." His last word was barely recognizable.

Suddenly, two men entered pulling along three more members of Torchwood. Kieran recognized them as the young Asian woman, the doctor, and the woman he shot. The cannibal woman came over and fiercely pulled Kieran to his feet while pushing a cleaver against his neck. The young man shivered and tried to hold still. He felt a small trickle of blood leak down to his shirt; he was sure this was the end. However, the floors began to shake as a tractor slammed into the wall.

Torchwood's leader jumped out of the machine and opened fire on the cannibals. There was blood and screaming all around him. In the confusion he was thrown to the ground. On his side was the discarded cleaver. He crawled over to it and managed to cut through his restraints. Once free, he immediately ran over to Ianto and cut the ropes binding his hands. He then pulled up the young man's jeans hoping to give him some dignity.

He placed his hands on Ianto's cheeks, "Ianto, we're safe. Look at me! You're going to be alright."

Ianto's eyes barely opened as he tried to call out, "Jack . . . Jack . . ."

The young man's slim frame was cold and shivering as Kieran held him in his arms. Soon he felt strong arms on his shoulders and he screamed, "No! I have to stay with him."

He began to thrash about and, in his panic, his head fell back and smashed into the side of the table. He immediately lost consciousness.

* * *

Jack's adrenaline was finally beginning to dissipate. Police and paramedics were all over the scene causing his head to spin in the chaos of aftermath. The sun was starting to come up and Jack stood from the tree stump he was resting on to go check on his team. Gwen was speaking with the police and Owen was at her side trying to direct her to rest. Toshiko was taking stock of her equipment in the SUV; she was incredibly protective of her gadgets. Jack panicked when he didn't see Ianto anywhere.

Running over to Gwen, Jack spun her around, "Where's Ianto?"

Gwen looked around confused, "Who?"

Jack shook her and then noticed her pupils were dilated: she was in shock, "Gwen! Where is Ianto?"

Snapping back into reality, Gwen replied, "Oh,  _Ianto_. I haven't the foggiest."

Jack groaned and ran over to a police officer, "I'm missing a man. Where is Ianto Jones?"

The officer looked confused for a moment and then seemed to remember, "Oh, the young man that was with you? He was unconscious but seemed unhurt. The ambulance took him to Cardiff."

Jack let out a sigh of relief and went to speak with Toshiko.

* * *

Kieran awoke with a stabbing headache. He raised his hand to his throbbing temple and looked around the room. The bed he was resting on was the second in a dimly lit white hospital room. The light from the window was dark except for the street lights outside. In the neighboring bed, an elderly man quietly slept. Trying to organize his thoughts, Kieran started going over the last things he remembered. He recalled going back to the village, shooting someone, being tied up, and then nothing. Lying back down, he could swear he was missing something important.

Soon a middle aged nurse with dark, curly hair entered the room and went to check on Kieran's slumbering roommate, "Did you have a good sleep, Mr. Taylor?"

The old man mumbled something in Welsh that the nurse ignored, "Very good, Mr. Taylor. I'll be in to check on you in a few hours."

Turning toward Kieran, the nurse smiled, "Oh you're awake. That was a quite a bump on the head you got. You were sleeping all day. Once the doctor has a look at you, we can probably discharge you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm a bit dizzy. My head is killing me."

"I bet it is. We can get you started on some pain killers."

As the nurse turned to leave, Kieran's memory suddenly returned in vivid detail. The young man shot up out of the bed knocking over the table lamp, "Ianto! Where is Ianto?"

* * *

By the time they were back at the base, the team was exhausted. It had taken them all day to sort through things with the police and gather all their equipment. Ianto was the one that had packed things so no one was quite sure what all they were missing. Gwen was passed out from the pain killers, leaning on Owen's shoulder. Tosh was in the passenger seat looking very pale and shaken.

Once back at the Hub, Jack dismissed everyone telling them to take the morning off. His head was humming and his stomach aching. Once he made it inside, he barely got to the toilet fast enough to dry heave his empty stomach. Over 100 years on Earth and he was still shocked by the ugliness of humanity. If the police hadn't shown up, he probably would have killed each and every cannibal there. Although he hardly ever drank, Jack knew he needed something to dull the horror of what he had seen.

Jack woke in the morning sitting at his desk surrounded by whiskey bottles. He knew the only thing to help his massive hangover was something from Owen's private stash. When he reached the med bay, he began rooting around in the drawers until he heard a very unwelcome voice behind him, "Jack, I can smell that whiskey from here. I never took you for such a lush."

Turning around, Jack scowled, "Owen, I just need a little pick me up."

Smirking, Owen sauntered into the room, "Fine, you're lucky I was able to sleep in this morning or else I wouldn't be so obliging."

After putting Jack out of his misery, Owen took him up to the boardroom where Gwen and Tosh were munching on some breakfast pastries. Gwen was on her cell phone.

"Andy. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I thought I'd let you know: there's a bloke at the hospital babbling about Torchwood and cannibals. The poor young man seems really out of it."

"Oh, that must be Ianto. We'll be round in a bit to check on him. Thanks for calling."

Gwen put down the mobile and bit into her croissant, "Looks like Ianto's awake."

Jack groaned; he'd forgotten all about the young man. Still not feeling up to eating, Jack stood and announced he would go check on him. Seeing as he didn't want to show up at the hospital reeking of booze, he took a quick shower first. On the way, Jack stopped to buy a small bouquet of flowers for Ianto knowing it would cause all sorts of adorable blushing.

Once at the hospital, Jack strode up to the front desk and grinned at the cute receptionist, "Captain Jack Harkness. Where might I find Mr. Ianto Jones?"

The girl rolled her eyes, "So you're looking for him too."

Jack cocked his head to the side, "Pardon?"

The receptionist tapped her pen in annoyance, "We've had this young man ranting about him all day. I don't suppose you know what  _Torchwood_  is?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm the group's leader. Where is this young man?"

Once he entered the room, Jack recognized the boy from the Becons pacing across the floor. When he saw Jack, he went running up to him, "You! Where's Ianto?"

Jack eyes widened, "He's not here? I was told he was here."

Kieran, looking absolutely frantic, shouted, "No one here has heard of him! We have to find him!"

Jack's stomach dropped at the boy's words and he immediately grabbed his com calling Tosh, "We have a problem. Ianto never made it back to Cardiff."


	2. Chapter 2

Jack. Ianto knew Jack had come for him. The very walls were giving way for his Captain. His vision was blurred making it hard to recognize who was speaking to him but he kept calling out _Jack, Jack_  in a desperate attempt to get his attention. People were swarming the room and soon Ianto could hear sirens blaring in the distance, coming closer each second. The figure in front of him disappeared and suddenly Ianto was alone amidst the sea of voices and confusion. However, another person moved over him and was speaking in low tones that belied his words of reassurance.

The new person was dressed in white but his breath held a scent that only consumption of human flesh causes. Ianto tried desperately to call out but a piece of cloth was shoved in his mouth and his hands and feet were retied. The man started dragging him out of the room through a back door. Waves of terror swept over Ianto as he tried to kick or resist but his body was too weak and the pain was too much. The sounds of people and activity faded into the background as Ianto looked up to see stars over head. Cold, wet grass slicked across his back causing even more pain to shoot through his bruised body.

Eventually, the dragging mercifully stopped but Ianto could vaguely hear the back of a truck opening. The man went back to him and started lifting him into the pickup. Soon the noisy engine started and they began moving over a gravelly road. Lying in the back, Ianto was tossed around while bumping into various tools including a shovel and pickaxe. Above him Ianto could see the stars intermingled with tree tops as they were heading into the woods.

After an excruciatingly long drive, the truck stopped and Ianto felt his consciousness finally start to fade away. When he woke, Ianto found himself bound to a small bed. His head was somewhat clearer but still ached along with his sore chest and arse. His clothes had been removed and his body cleaned. The room was warm and when he looked up, Ianto could see a lit fireplace. It seemed to be a small cabin with old crumbling stone walls and boarded off windows.

In the corner, Ianto could just make out the figure of a man sitting in a chair. The man rose and started approaching, causing Ianto to shudder in terror. With his mouth no longer gagged, Ianto tried speaking, "Who are you?"

The man smiled coldly and Ianto could start to make out his features in the dim light. He was surprisingly young, probably Ianto's age maybe younger. His body was well built and tall with at least 2 inches on Ianto. His hair which was probably well groomed earlier was sticking up at odd ends only serving to intensify the animalistic gaze on his face. In contrast to the setting and his demeanor, he was wearing a white paramedic uniform.

With a thick Welsh accent, the man began to speak, "It was almost my turn but we were interrupted. Since I'm the youngest, they make me go last. But I saw my chance when that maniac ran the tractor into the room. No one was looking for you so I sprung. Maybe this will work out for the best because I can really take my time with you."

He then stepped to the side of the bed and began running his hand along Ianto's leg, "You're much prettier when you're cleaned up. Luckily no one had the chance to mark you yet."

At that, the man leaned down and bit harshly into Ianto's inner thigh making him scream out in pain. He then pulled back and softly kissed the bitten flesh, "There. Now you're mine."

Ianto was shaking and started yelling, "Let me go! Please, don't do this."

His captor shushed him and brought his hand up to Ianto's face, "Oh darling, I'm not going to eat you . . . yet. First, we're going to enjoy ourselves. You'll be able to know true bliss before I devour you."

Tears started to fall down Ianto's cheeks as he was pleading, "Please, no."

However, the man leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to Ianto's stomach before he went to his bedside table and pulled out a jar of vaseline. He carefully unscrewed the lid and slicked up two of fingers then pushed them inside of Ianto. While he maneuvered his fingers around, he licked and playfully bit at Ianto's nipples. Even though he was trying to be tender, the man's movements still hurt because of the earlier assault.

Ianto tried to focus his mind on something else. He started wriggling his wrists in the ropes and found he had some degree of movement. During the next few hours, Ianto had significantly loosened the ropes but he still couldn't free his hands. His captor had started drinking and eventually fell asleep, splayed across Ianto's chest. With the fire roaring and after the horrendous strain he had just gone through, Ianto soon followed after, drifting off with dreams of Jack rescuing him.

* * *

The ride back to the Becon's was deathly quiet. Kieran had insisted on accompanying them. He was seated in the back staring daggers at Owen while Tosh rode up front with Jack. Gwen had stayed behind since she was still recovering from her wounds and so she could coordinate movements with the police. With Jack at the helm apparently trying to break the sound barrier, everyone was holding on for dear life. When he made a sharp turn, Owen tumbled over into Kieran who swore loudly and pushed him off, "For fuck's sake, get off me!"

Owen yelled back, "What the hell is your problem?"

Kieran's faced turned nearly red when he shouted back, "What kind of doctor are you? He was lying there, beaten to bloody pulp and you don't even think to check on him?"

Owen snapped in reply, "Excuse me, I was a little busy with the woman you shot!"

"That's a pathetic excuse and you know it. What happened? Were you kicked out of every respectable hospital so you had to go work for these fuckers?"

Owen was taken aback at young man's tone and turned his head away in embarrassment. However, Tosh stepped up to defend him, "Shut up! You don't know anything about him."

Kieran turned his rage to her, "And you! He gave himself up so you could get away and you don't even make sure he's alright?"

At that, Jack bellowed, "Shut it! We're almost there."

They were met at the site by the local police as Jack started giving orders, "Okay, the man we're looking for is in his early 20s, dark hair, pale complexion, and may be severely injured. Fan out from here in teams of two and keep your coms at the ready. We need to act fast; we're running out of daylight."

Kieran interrupted him, "Are you daft? I keep telling you: he didn't wander off, he was taken. One of those cannibals probably grabbed him after I passed out."

Jack scowled back at Kieran, "And I keep telling you: all the cannibals are in custody."

"Really? 'Cause there were dozens of them that fled before your team was brought in. They live and work around here. If no one noticed him he was probably dressed as a copper or a paramedic."

Jack was shocked at the boy's words and started doubting his control of the situation but soon the police captain chimed in, "I won't have you accusing my department. We got us all the suspects."

Suddenly, Kieran pointed toward the woods and shouted, "Look at that smoke in the distance. I bet that's a signal."

Everyone turned and could barely make out a plume of smoke rising miles away. Owen groaned, "It's probably just some farmer burning something. Would someone please shut this kid up?"

In frustration, Kieran grabbed the keys away from Jack and sped off with the team's SUV.

* * *

His captor had woken with a massive hard on. He took a large swig of whiskey and placed the bottle back on the bedside table. Soon he was on top of Ianto and fucking him roughly again. By then, Ianto could barely feel anything since he was so slicked up with vaseline and cum. In fact, his entire lower body seemed to have gone numb. The man had untied Ianto's feet so he could hold up his legs and push in deeper.

Ianto decided he couldn't take anymore and went for a final chance at escape. He pushed his hand against the headboard as hard as he could until he dislocated his thumb and could slip his hand out of the restraint. In one swift movement, Ianto grabbed the whiskey bottle and smashed it against the man's head knocking him out cold.

Quickly, Ianto turned over and freed his other hand and pushed the unconscious man to the floor. He rummaged around the cabin until he found a pair of jeans, a jumper, and some old boots. In the corner, he found a canister of kerosene and poured it over the furniture. He then grabbed a burning log from the fireplace and with one last scowl at his captor, he threw the log to the floor rapidly igniting the room.

He stumbled outside and made it about 20 meters before he collapsed against a tree. He supposed he should have taken the truck and drove off, but at that point the adrenaline was wearing off and he could barely move. Instead, he leaned back and watched the rising flames with a grim satisfaction.

* * *

Kieran sped through the woods toward the blaze in the distance. It had been awhile but still knew those woods from memory. There were many days he spent exploring the forest and surrounding hills. He always hated his home village: it was too small, there was nothing to do, and the people were creepy. Leaving for university was a blessing and he swore he would never return, but the news that his parents hadn't been heard from in weeks forced his homecoming.

Somehow, he felt that if he was able to save Ianto then he could find some peace in all the horror. He'd never met someone so selfless and brave, so willing to throw his own life away. He thought back to Ianto's confused words saying he was alone. Clearly there were people that cared about him, sort of, but what caused him to think of himself as completely alone? Kieran vowed that when he found Ianto he would take care of him and protect him from that intense sorrow.

After driving several miles, Kieran came across the blazing building. It was one of those eerie shacks that he had feared as a child. The flames were shooting out into the descending dusk creating a warm orange glow among the trees. Kieran stopped the SUV and went running toward the figure of a man resting against a tree. His heart leapt as he recognized him as Ianto sitting with a small smile on his face.

The sound of the police sirens was coming closer as Kieran knelt down beside Ianto, "Hey there, are you alright? Can you speak?"

Ianto turned to look at him, "You're the boy from the village. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to take you home. You're safe now." Kieran reassured him as he clasped Ianto's hand.

Ianto turned his head to the side, "You came here for me?"

Kieran nodded. Ianto looked confused for a second before he placed a soft kiss on the young man's face and whispered, "Thank you."

A squad car came roaring to a stop in front of them and Jack flew out of the driver's seat quickly followed by Owen and Tosh. Two more cars were approaching behind them. Jack bolted over to Ianto's side and wrapped him in a tight hug. There were tears forming in his eyes as he pulled back, "Oh Ianto, I thought I'd lost you."

Ianto reached his hand out and cupped Jack's cheek, "You did."


	3. Chapter 3

“What do you mean _we can’t go in?_ ” Owen asked incredulously.

With a thick Welsh accent, the imposing orderly spat back, “The patient specifically mentioned that no one from Torchwood is allowed inside.”

“I’m his bloody doctor, so you’re letting me in there!” Owen shouted earning him glares of disapproval from the hospital staff.

The orderly placed one large paw on Owen’s chest, effectively stopping the man in his tracks. “If you keep going, I’m having security haul you off.”

Owen turned to Jack, who was sitting dejectedly in the corridor and pleaded, “Don’t you have some sort of magic security code for this kind of situation?”

With a despair laden voice, Jack responded, “If he doesn’t want to see us, there’s nothing I can do.”

Owen gave one last glare to the orderly and joined Jack on the bench.  He stretched his back, giving it a good snap and rubbed his neck that was sore with exhaustion.  Ianto had been in emergency surgery for hours, which Owen was allowed to watch from the theater, but when he was transferred to a private room, the doctor was forbidden from entering.  To top off his foul mood, the young Welshman, Kieran, was given permission to go in and had yet to leave. 

Making matters worse, Kieran had been quite vocal with the hospital staff about what had happened: Torchwood had left a man behind.  The nurses, doctors, and staff who were aware of Torchwood and sick of bending to their higher authority, made no secret of their disgust at the group’s negligence.  The news stations had been broadcasting the cannibal story nonstop and kept including footage of the burning cottage Ianto had been held in.  They reported that a young special-ops investigator had been captured and forgotten by his unit but fought his way free.  Jack would have been supremely embarrassed had he not been preoccupied with grief and regret. 

 

“Did you get it?” Jack asked anxiously.

Owen had been trying to negotiate with Ianto’s doctor to view his chart. 

“Yeah, he let me have it for a half hour,” Owen answered before opening the file.  As he began reading, the color drained from his face. 

“What’s wrong?”

Owen continued to stare at the document while he absently sat down. 

“What’s it say?” Jack asked with growing dread.

“He’s suffered a severe concussion, one broken rib, multiple contusions and lacerations, fractured left thumb, and . . . repeated sexual abuse.”

All energy seemed to seep out of Jack as he stumbled into the chair next to Owen.  “He was raped?”

“Yes. We won’t know for sure how many times until we can see the police report, but the doctor estimates at least half a dozen different men.  It’s probable that the man who abducted him raped him repeatedly and . . . bit him severely on his thigh, neck, and chest.”

“He was going to eat him,” Jack said weakly. “That sick fuck had dragged him out to the woods so he could rape and then eat him.  Ianto had to . . . he had to save himself, because I failed him.”

Owen could offer no words of comfort to Jack and instead focused on pushing down the bile that was rising in his throat.  The idea of Ianto pulling himself from the wreckage of yet another Torchwood induced disaster made the doctor physically ill knowing he was responsible.  Ianto was strong but Owen doubted whether he could recover from this tragedy.

 

Ianto was released from the hospital after a week but still refused visitations from anyone in Torchwood.  After his third day at home, Jack was finally allowed in to see the young man.  Kieran, who had barely left Ianto’s side, glared angrily at Jack throughout the entire visit.  Ianto was dressed in flannel pajamas and sitting up in his bed, pointedly not looking at Jack. Despite the horribly awkward, painfully silent reception, Jack spoke.  He gave the latest updates on the investigation in the Becons, the current situation in the Hub, and finally resorted to comments about the weather.  After an hour, Kieran decided it had been enough and curtly forced Jack out of the room. 

Jack continued to insist on visitations and was allowed in once a week, but Ianto would never speak to or even acknowledge the captain.  Owen wanted to take over Ianto’s medical care and insisted it was a requirement of Torchwood protocol, but Kieran never let him step foot in the flat.  Through his surveillance of the flat and Tosh’s hacking of the hospital’s records, Jack found out that Ianto had been seen by his attending physician three times and was having bi-weekly meetings with a psychologist specializing in trauma. 

 

After six weeks, Jack was finally allowed to see Ianto without Kieran’s supervision.  They sat silently for several minutes as Jack frantically tried to think of the right thing to say.  When he hesitantly opened his mouth to speak, Ianto beat him to it and went first, “I don’t want to go back to Torchwood.”

Jack nodded. It was something he was expecting.  No one could blame the man for never wanting to go back after what he’d experienced.

“Since the organization is considerably smaller after . . . than it used to be, you can retire without the memory wipe.  I’ve talked to the others and they agree-”

“I want the retcon, Jack,” Ianto interrupted.

“No, we can work through this,” Jack insisted as tears were forming in his eyes. “I will stay with you as long as it takes.”

“I just can’t do it anymore.  I can’t sleep because whenever I close my eyes I hear the screaming; my friends, colleagues dying on conversion tables.  Then there’s the laughing; the more pain and humiliation I experience, the more they laugh.  I can’t eat because I always smell the charnel house full of dead rotting flesh,” Ianto explained in a tortured voice.  He then reached out his one good hand and touched Jack’s cheek as he continued, “And I can’t look at you.  You twist me around inside because I know I should hate you.  You ordered me to kill Lisa and you left me to die in the Becons.  I want to hate you . . . but I can’t because I look into your eyes and see the same torture that exists in me.”

“If we do this, it won’t just be your experience in the Becons, it’ll be everything about Torchwood,” Jack tried to explain.  “You’ll lose the last five years, London, Lisa, Canary Warf, . . .” _me_ , Jack wanted to add.

“Yes, I understand,” Ianto nodded making Jack’s chest ache. The young man turned his head away and stated, “I want to put Torchwood behind me.”

A traitorous tear slid down Jack’s cheek.

 

Jack allowed Ianto to make the preparations since he knew the young man would be meticulously thorough.  Even though the captain tried to delay the process as much as possible, a week later Ianto insisted that it was time.  Kieran, who Ianto decided would be his lover in his new life, was going over the last minute details with Ianto, learning exactly what he would have to say to be convincing.  When Jack entered the room, Ianto kissed Kieran softly and gave him a reassuring hug.  The young man was nervous but seemed confident in Ianto’s skills.  As he left the room, Jack noticed a slight sympathetic look.  Apparently even the boy that hated his guts felt sorry for him having to lose Ianto. 

Checking over the medical equipment Owen had set up, Ianto seemed satisfied that he would buy the ruse that he was recovering from an accident at home.  Jack supposed that in the end it would ultimately take Ianto Jones to fool Ianto Jones.  With a strong but gentle hand on the man’s shoulder, Jack softly told him, “It’s not too late, you can still change your mind.”

Ianto turned to face him, and for the briefest of moments, his eyes seemed to be considering the idea; however, it faded almost instantly and he spoke steadily, “No, I’m sure.  Don’t be mistaken, there are things I’ll miss, but I need to start over.”

Jack reached a hand out to cup Ianto’s cheek, but the other man ducked away from the touch, adding, “Kieran needs to start over as well.  Did I tell you that they found his parents? Well, what was left of them.  They’d both been carved up and partially devoured, had to be identified through dental records.”

“Jesus, Ianto, that’s . . . you still don’t have to . . . God, I don’t even,” Jack stammered, growing more desperate.  He finally steeled himself and began his last effort: begging. “Please.  Please don’t do this.  Give me another chance and I’ll show that you can get past this.”

However, Jack’s words seemed to backfire when Ianto’s eyes narrowed and he snapped in reply, “ _You_? Give _you_ another chance? For God’s sake, Jack, this has nothing to . . .” He suddenly stopped and collected himself before continuing, “When this is done, promise me that you’ll stay away.  If I even see you, it might trigger my memories.  I’ve accounted for everything on my end, but I need you to promise that you’ll respect my wishes and keep your distance.”

Jack hesitated making Ianto place his hand on the captain’s shoulder and speak sternly, “Jack, promise me.”

After a resigned swallow, Jack nodded and said, “I promise.”

Ianto visibly relaxed and leaned forward to softly kiss Jack’s cheek.  Jack desperately wanted to take the man into his arms, give him a long proper kiss, and convince him to stay with him, but ultimately he knew Ianto was right and he was better off without Torchwood, without Jack.  All too soon, Ianto pulled away and swallowed the pills Owen had prepared for him.  Jack needlessly helped him into bed and sat by his side, waiting for the retcon to take effect.

As Ianto began losing consciousness, he started speaking softly, “What would’ve happened to us?  Would you have eventually taken me as your lover?  From the moment we first met, I just knew . . . it was going to happen. . .  You were supposed to be my first . . . it wasn’t supposed to be like _this_.  Kieran . . . he’s such a dear . . . he holds me at night, but I can’t stop . . . I can’t stop wishing it were you . . . Jack, I-”

Ianto’s eyes closed and he drifted off into a deep sleep.  Jack reached out and clasped his hand, not wanting to let go.  Eventually Kieran entered the room and loudly cleared his throat, indicating that Jack was overstaying his welcome. 

 

Ianto stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  The scars on his face were fading to almost nothing but it was the age lines near his eyes that bothered him.  It had only been five years, what had he been doing to make his face look so weary.  Kieran told him they were laugh lines but somehow Ianto could not believe him.  Nothing made sense anymore.  One day he was in university, living in London and the next he wakes up five years later in Cardiff with a young male lover.  He was told it was a car accident that put him in a brief coma and left him with partial amnesia. 

Even though he was confused and frustrated, everything seemed perfectly explainable and Ianto appeared to have led a fulfilling life.  However, there was one thing that nagged at him: a man.  More accurately, it was a figment of a man.  When Ianto would be going to the store or out on a walk, there would sometimes be a flash in his periphery of a figure in a long, wool coat.  Whenever he would turn to get a better look, it wouldn’t be there.

One afternoon when he was walking through the park with Kieran, Ianto had another glimpse of the phantom.  Stopping in his tracks, he began searching around desperately.

“What’s wrong, love?” Kieran asked, his voice wavering nervously.

“I saw him again!” Ianto shouted.

“Who?”

“The man in the coat! I see him around everywhere but he disappears so fast,” Ianto said, the panic leaving his voice as he began to realize how silly he sounded. 

Kieran closed his eyes for a moment and swore under his breath before wrapping his arm around Ianto’s waist and pulling him close.  “Ianto, you’ve been through so much lately.  Perhaps you’re a bit wound up?”

Ianto sighed and leaned his head on Kieran’s shoulder, “You’re probably right.” 

That night Ianto woke suddenly, once again having the nightmares that accompanied his sightings of the phantom man.  Kieran was fast asleep next to him, his arm draped over Ianto’s chest but the older man was still able to crawl out without waking him.  Once in the kitchen, Ianto started the kettle, hoping a cup of tea would sooth his nerves.  As he waited for the water to boil, he leaned back on the countertop, allowing his eyes to gaze out the window. 

A tremor started in his belly and soon engulfed his whole being when he saw the man in the coat standing next to a street lamp.  After shaking off his shock, Ianto slipped on his shoes, grabbed a jacket and flew out the door.  When the man saw him coming, he took off running.  The chase continued for several blocks until Ianto finally stopped and yelled, “Stop! For fuck’s sake, please stop!”

To Ianto’s surprise, the man did stop and turned to look at him, guilt and despair written across his face.

“I have these dreams every night and you’re in them,” Ianto shouted from across the street. 

The man only continued to stare, his hands stashed in his large pockets. Ianto could not put a name to his face but felt as if he had seen it many times before.  When the man carried on saying nothing, Ianto shouted again, “I’m missing 5 years of my life.”

There was a long silence that was finally broken by a truck driving between them.  With increasing frustration, Ianto yelled once more, “Tell me who I am!”

“Ianto Jones, have you ever considered that you’re better off not knowing?” The man said in a strange American accent.

At that, Ianto ran across the street and grabbed the man by the front of his coat, “Did you do this to me?”

Suddenly, the man drew Ianto into a searing kiss and then stared him in the eyes, whispering, “It was your choice.”

As if he had explained everything, the man turned and quickly continued walking away.  After regaining his momentarily overwhelmed senses, Ianto shouted after, “Wait, what do you-”

Without looking back, the man interrupted, “Go home, Ianto.  Kieran’s probably worried sick.”

Ianto stood still, watching until the man turned a corner and disappeared from view.  With nothing left to do, Ianto walked home, the bitter cold of the night hitting him for the first time.  When he stepped into the flat, he was met with a panicked Kieran, face pale and hair disheveled.  The young man let out a strained cry and gathered Ianto tightly into his arms, saying, “Where have you been? I woke up and you were gone. Are you alright?”

Ianto patted his back and tried to calm him down, replying, “I’m fine. I just needed some air.”

“I woke up to the kettle whistling and I didn’t know what had happened,” Kieran sniffled, his arms still not loosening. 

Ianto kicked himself for being so careless and felt a sharp pang of guilt for upsetting his lover.  Considering what the man had been going through, it was understandable that he would be so distraught.  When Ianto was finally able to pry himself from Kieran, he began peppering the man’s face with soft kisses while he whispered words of comfort. 

“Come on, let’s go back to bed,” Ianto said after placing a kiss to Kieran’s brow.

Kieran nodded and allowed himself to be led back to the bedroom where he pulled Ianto under the covers into his arms.  Eventually, Kieran drifted off to sleep, Ianto held tight against him, but Ianto stayed awake and tried to fight against the fuzzy flashes of memory that were coming back to him.  Logically he supposed he should be welcoming recollection of his past life but for some reason, he dreaded it.  There was something buried there that he desperately did not want to see. By the time morning came, he had not slept at all.  Ianto no longer wanted to sleep, because, more often than not, when he closed his eyes, all he saw was fire and blood.   


End file.
